Dear diary, It's been countless weeks since I last wrote, I've had everything and nothing whirling around in my head. I feel complete unrest, and total ease. And I'm not entirely sure what to make of that. I said earlier this year that I think this year is the year I learn. Learn about myself in this post-cancer life, learn about who I am as a wife and mom vs who I actually want to be. And I don't mean that impossible vision we all hope to one day be. But, I've been stuck in this rut. I just can't seem to...can't wrap my head around what I want to achieve, or let go of everything I jacked up along the way. I know with 100% truth that I will never, ever be the wife and mother I wanted to grow up to be. I've got way too much emotional baggage I can't let go of, wasted years of my life in this constant inner battle of who I really was vs who I was pretending to be; and neither of them were very stellar. Somehow, I ended up being 40, surrounded by bro