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Strollin in like June Cleaver...

Ever since I had the last drain removed I've started to feel, almost, normal. During this strange time when people of our state are being told to stay away from others and stay home. My Facebook newsfeed has been filled with people complaining about this time of being trapped in their home. Stuck with their family. Having nothing to do. Where as I have been savoring every minute of this.

I've been in this weird stretch, where I feel pretty okay but my incisions weren't quite ready to start radiation. So I've used this time to do all the things I haven't been able to do for months. I've cleaned all the things ever, I've reorganized, I've done some cooking, endless laundry, I've taken daily walks with my son, I've started doing my bible studies again, started writing again. In the middle of all this chaos of cancer and Covid, I have been given a tremendous gift - the gift of being a stay-at-home-mom, if only for a moment.

I used to say that I was a June Cleaver/Gemma Teller hybrid; given the right reason I won't even think twice about clocking you...and then I'll go home and slip a lovely potpie into the oven for my family. I loved my job, my job of taking care of the home and my family. I clipped coupons and made fresh dinners every weeknight, I was a prepper, a mom who was on top of it, involved in my kids lives, took care of my home. People say part of being happy in life is finding a job you enjoy doing, and I loved that job. But circumstances changed, and I had to head back into the workforce.

I'm always pushing my boss to let us wear jeans at work, but she's of the mindset that you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have. I always joked with her and said "Well I want to be a stay at home mom, and they wear jeans, so..." I missed staying home, I knew that, I've said for years that I miss it. But it wasn't until I was given this gift of time that I realized just how much I really, really missed this. I hadn't realized how empty I felt. This stretch of time waiting for radiation has been the happiest I've been in...honestly, years.

I'm cherishing this time, because I know it won't last. Soon, I'll be getting radiation every day and dealing with side effects, feeling like a cancer patient again, then I'll have to go back to work and this time will be over. It'll be back to regular life, back to the grind, back to just trying to survive the day and not let it drag you down. The world is in such a rush for things to go back to the way they were, and I'm sitting here, dreading it. I want to pause this time, to hold onto it, to be June Cleaver just for a little while longer. For now, I'm doing the job I once had, the job I loved. I will hold onto every day of this, every moment, because it is a gift - the gift of being the woman I once was. I'll miss her, when I have to let her go again at the end of this journey.


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