When I decided to dive into this whole support group thing, I just kind of thought a group was a group. Yeah, not so much. Sure there are some blanket, general, breast cancer/issues groups. But it also seems to be progressive type groups as well. When you're in X phase of the process you're in this group, then you kind of graduate to this group, then this group, then at some point you've been through the whole cancer process - you're officially a support group badass and can pop in and out of any of them sprinkling wisdom as you go. And then there's me...just stumbling my dumbass all the way through each one of them.
During the chemo phase, I learned pretty quick how much I suck at it. There are all these wonderful women in these groups, just filling the comments with such touching words that literally take your breath away...and then I come strollin on in with a pretty solid "Buck up little camper" comment. Realizing much too late what a jackass I just sounded like. Great...great job, Darian. Now they all think you're a jackass. Well, truth is I really kind of am a jackass, but you know, I like to expose people to that slowly. Let them question my sanity over a few months, not just spring it on them in one stupid Facebook comment. So chemo phase of the support groups...yeah, not my finer moments there. I did a lot of deleting of my own comments. Ended up with just posting a lot of "I'll be praying for you" comments, and then immediately praying that God would help me remember to pray for them. Lord knows I don't want to be the jerk that says they'll pray, and then completely forgets about you two minutes later and spends 45 minutes looking at videos of babies laughing.
There's a radiation phase type groups as well. I haven't quite checked these out, I haven't started treatment yet, and I'm not quite sure I'm ready for my news-feed to be filled with pictures of burned and pealing skin. So over the last few months I was lingering in the surgery area, who's had what, what to expect, all super helpful in the logical ways. I'm a planner, I don't like to go into major life changing things without being as knowledgeable on it as I can be. But again, I was completely useless in those groups. My only experience with these surgeries is from helping my grandma and my mom get through theirs. From a 12 year old girl perspective. That is helpful to no one in these groups. So there I was again, "Buck up little camper." And now, my news-feed is just filled with pictures of breasts. One breast, two breasts, no breasts. Just lots of breasts. Instead of being some inspiring woman with caring words to lift your day...I'm the "Buck up little camper" chick who has pictures of breasts all over her news-feed.
But, wait, there's a whole other area of support groups as well. One dedicated only to women who, for whatever reason, have chosen to go flat instead of having reconstruction. I've been scoping this group out for a long while now. Sometimes in life you're lucky enough to just have a moment when you know you've found your people. And the more time I spent in this group, only reading because by now I've learned I'm just an idiot in all of my comments...the more I read, I know, these women are my people. I had my surgery, was now a part of this new flat & fabulous club, it was time to dive in, introduce myself, and just wow them with my sparkling personality....you know, classic case of the nerd trying to impress the cool kids.
Most of my life, I have been one of those people who will read what I wrote 8 million times before sending or posting. But somewhere along this cancer trail that flew out the window and I'm all about post now, read later, panic, pray you have enough time to delete it. But here's my chance to make it all right. Here it is, my moment to undo all of that. To come into this new group, my new people, and wow them with my umm...my ugh.....yeah, let's just shoot for not being blocked for starters.
Every Friday they have a Happy Flat & Fabulous day, where you post happy selfies and some fun, witty, inspirational comment, something that makes others laugh or gives you all those warm feelings...you know, all that stuff I'm apparently really, really bad at in support groups. But no, no, I can do this. I can just post a cute pic and just a real quick happy Friday type of thing! Yes! That, that's exactly what I'll do!
....somewhere between that moment, taking the selfie, and posting it my brain took the "Happy Flat & Fabulous Friday ladies!" comment I had decided to post, and next thing you know I've posted and all I remember is there's something mentioning lumberjack gangsta wannabes and retiring in Vegas and running into people with my motorized scooter....
Yes, that just happened.
Did I mention there's no deleting of posts or comments in this new group? Yeah, so there it is. Pretty sure that's a solid support group failure. I think I'm just going to step away from the mic on that one because really, we don't want to test what other wonderful inspiration like that may come flying out of my mouth at any moment.
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